Jodie Foster's "The Beaver"

Say what you want about Mel Gibson -- and you could say alot, because dude's a d-bag -- I still want to see this so very, very bad. Or badly. Whichever. And both. [video]

Gold Star: Community

Community has officially gotten good -- historically good. Like 2nd season of the Office slash every season of NewsRadio but the last one historically good. Welcome to the club, Community. You've earned it.

New Pooh

The trailer is total cheese (Keane, really?), but if you can get beyond the gaudy presentation, hopefully we can rejoice together for a new Pooh-Bear feature. Yes, yes. It's all Disney, all the time now. But A.A. Milne's brilliant creations need to be introduced to a new generation of kiddos, regardless of who's producing/distributing the thing. Thank you, 8 pounds 6 ounces, new born baby Jesus, for more Winnie-the-Pooh.

Tron

Can you believe this is actually happening? I mean, I could sit through a dozen more crappy Transformers films just to make 100% sure this hits cinemas. And that's the Dude. For reals, son.

The Hasselhoffs

Why don't they play commercials like this on Hulu? Instead, I watch the same three commercials for Toyota, Geico and Samantha Bee going on about kids or something. The internet has literally thousands of new adverts just waiting to be seen -- so many that I should never have to view the same one twice. Think variety, Hulu.

Wrastlin' Clip of the Week

All you need to know: Paul Wight and Paul Reubens -- what a team!



WWE, you kill me. I don't know why you still exist, except for surreal moments like Big Show dressed in a Pee-wee Herman suit.

(via Bleeding Cool)

One for the Books

 

This is not the team you pick to win the World Series. Not at spring training. Not at the trade deadline. Not in September. But this is the team, with great pitching, with timely hitting, who gets hot at just the right time, who ends up winning every year. McCovey Chronicles*, take it away:

So, so many things had to go right for this. Nine teams had to pass on Tim Lincecum. Twenty-nine had to pass on Aubrey Huff. Edgar Renteria had to play through a torn bicep and a strained old. Some players had to stay healthy, and other players had to get hurt to make room for the players who would lead the Giants to a World Series title.

The Giants won the World Series. The San Francisco Giants. No foolin’. It’s on Wikipedia and everything.

*If you did not listen to me back in July, and fasten this blog to your google reader, listen to me now. Most entertaining baseball blog on the interlinks. For reals.

All Hallows Eve Eve

Some great Jack O' Lantern ideas for those last minute carvers:

(via Super Punch where there's more!)

Scuba Steve

Sweet art by Justin Parpan for a Wes Anderson themed art show in San Francisco. Not only are they about they three games away from a World Series championship, they also have Steve Zissou just hanging out in the ocean. Blerg.

(via Super Punch)

Keenan Thompson Appreciation Thread

While I recognize that I've scared off all my commenting friends with dozens of posts written like a 14-year-old girl on topics you could care less about, I would be remiss if I did not point out how brilliant Keenan Thompson has become. Srsly. This guy is GOLD! Leave your warm and appreciative comments for Keenan below. Thnx.

I work there! Well, not THERE, but an approximation of there.

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Tracy Jordan does a commerical for my place of workship. At least in the alternate universe of 30 Rock he does. I want to go to there.

(via BWEvah!)

Old Posts

I've started more than a dozen blog posts over the past three weeks without finishing them. As I am sick and bedridden for the foreseeable future (I never plan ahead more than 24 hours), I will attempt to turn a few of them into actual, living blog posts. This might get confusing, timeline-wise, in the old google reader, but I think we'll manage to manage.

I am on a horse...cow.

Literally the best thing the internets have produced since Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Thank you, Sesame Street. No, thank you.

Bad Mamma Jamma

Nicole Richie may be the best TV spy bad guy since ever. At least since Sark. Chuck & Sarah? Make this lady a semi-regular!

New Young Shawn

Dear Producers of Pysch,

New young Shawn? He resembles neither old young Shawn or normal old Shawn. This is not acceptable.

Also, I apologize for being so behind on your television programme.

Sincerely,

Old Man Jonny

1600 Chairs

I don't know. It just spoke to me. It said, "Jonny, that's a hellova lotta chairs."

(via 2modern blog)

It's coming back, friends.

Shite on a bun. And I will love every second of it. Until I hate myself afterwards.

Big Drama in Not-So-Little China

China, Angered by Peace Prize, Blocks Celebration (NY Times)

The Chinese government...angrily described the decision to honor Mr. Liu as “blasphemy” and an insult to the Chinese people.

Mr. Liu, 54, a former literature professor who has spent the past 20 years pressing for political reform in China, is serving an 11-year sentence for “inciting subversion of the state,” based on his writings and a pro-democracy manifesto, Charter ’08, that he helped to draft. The document, which demands an end to single-party rule and calls for expanded liberties, gathered 10,000 signatures before government censors blocked its circulation on the Internet. 

Anytime the Communist Party of China is this angry, someone's doing something right. Thanks, Norway. Your pick this year has been both informative AND entertaining.

Mo' Keenan. Mo' Laughs.

Do I watch Saturday Night Live every Saturday night? No, I do not. Not live. And not even on Hulu days after. But I DO watch clips of Keenan Thompson when he pulls out another episode of "What's Up With That." Which, if you asked me, which you didn't, but if you did, is one of the best recurring comedy bits of ALL TIME. And this one had Bryan Cranston in his underwear (Breaking Bad shoutout!) and Ernest Borgnine grinning like a motherlover. Did you see what I just did there? I dodged a swear and called back to old an SNL digital short. (APPLAUSE!) Thank you web faithful, you're far too kind!

Sex, Magic and Fart Jokes

I'm unsure of the special effects and the visuals, but Julie Taymor certainly has a great eye for beauty in her films....and anything that gets The Tempest some buzz is fine by me.

(And hey! Russell Brand!)

In other news, I really shouldn't use terms like "gets some buzz" and "fine by me." Sorry, internets.

(via Bleeding Cool)

The Office

Seriously, you guys blew it. This could have been the year you started to emphasize The Office as an esemble comedy. And you got my hopes up. New credits! Could it be that you fit everyone in, like that episode after the Superbowl?

No.

Hopefully, with Carell moving on, someone is able to breathe new life into this show. Until, at least we have Parks & Rec...though not until November. Geez, NBC.

BTdubs, this is how it should have been:

Hells Yeah

THE WALKING DEAD "Opening Titles" from Daniel Kanemoto on Vimeo.

AND THIS IS A FAN TRAILER! Yes, yes, and triple yes.

BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!

Whoops. Guess he's not a Muslim. (CNN)

"I am a Christian by choice," Obama began, standing beneath a blazing sun, when asked why he is a Christian.

"I came to my Christian faith later in life, and it was because the precepts of Jesus Christ spoke to me in terms of the kind of life that I would want to lead," Obama said. "Being my brothers' and sisters' keeper. Treating others as they would treat me. And I think also understanding that, you know, that Jesus Christ dying for my sins spoke to the humility that we all have to have as human beings."

That is all, America.

FX: Very Funny

Best. Cold open. Ever.

OK Go and the Internet begin to blurrrrrr

Which came first? The Internet or the OK Go?



I know, I know. Rhetorical.

Mario vs. Bowser

Samuri style, by Vincent Bocognani.



(via Super Punch)

Another reason Bill Belichick is a D-bag

 
I don't like the Patriots. But Tom Brady is one of the best QBs of my lifetime. Bill Belichick, however, is every tool in the box.

Q: What does it mean for a team to have a quarterback like Brady, so consistent year after year? What does it do for an offense or a team to have his presence there?

BB: It’s always good to have consistency on your team at every position and every unit. Certainly quarterback is in that category. 

Thoughts:

1) Yes, quaterback is in the category of positions that need consistency.
2) How hard would it have been to say, "...and with Tom, that's one position I know I don't have to worry about come Sunday. He's proven himself with his play, year after year....Also, dude's smokin'. Have you seen the ladies he brings back his crib? Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn."
3) Joe Morgan is Belichick is Joe Morgan. Wha!?!?

(Via CBS Sports)

Quite possibly my favorite church of all time

I have a feeling that this is Andy Sikora's new church and he's just messing with us.

No caption needed.

(via the Daily What)

Official Sad Face Day

To be remembered every September 3rd from here till the damn, dirty apes take over the planet:

Hello from Amazon.com.

Due to a lack of availability from our suppliers, we will not be able to obtain the following item(s) from your order:

 John Heaton, Judy Groves "Introducing Wittgenstein (Introducing (Icon))"
 http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1840466413

We've cancelled the item(s) and apologize for the inconvenience.

Rats. (Also, did Amazon.com really just misspell "canceled"? Or is that a British thing? English is such a confusing language.)

dont cry dawson. well find anthr book abt wittgenstein. promise.

The Onion Strikes Again

Man Already Knows Everything He Needs To Know About Muslims (The Onion)

"I learned all that really matters about the Muslim faith on 9/11," Gentries said in reference to the terrorist attacks on the United States undertaken by 19 of Islam's approximately 1.6 billion practitioners. "What more do I need to know to stigmatize Muslims everywhere as inherently violent radicals?"

"And now they want to build a mosque at Ground Zero," continued Gentries, eliminating any distinction between the 9/11 hijackers and Muslims in general. "No, I won't examine the accuracy of that statement, but yes, I will allow myself to be outraged by it and use it as evidence of these people's universal callousness toward Americans who lost loved ones when the Twin Towers fell."

The sad and hilarious and demoralizing thing is, you don't have to make this shit up.

The Walking Dead

This is an actual, factual, honest-to-God, T-Vee series.



Good job, AMC!

Mashupville

There are a few Cee-Lo/movie mashups already on Youtube (including Dirty Dancing, Reservoir Dogs, Say Anything and Shawshank Remdemption), but my fav of the bunch so far is this one from Napoleon Dynamite. While I've only seen the film once, the following clip still holds some special memories. Bravo and well-done.

Cee-Lo Sings Swears

The following video is merely a song, with lyrics shown so that you may sing along. The lyrics are very NSFW, unless you work in an office where the f-bomb gets dropped every few seconds. Proceed with caution, but damn that's a catchy track. Thanks, Cee-Lo.



It took me a couple of tries to find a legit copy. (YouTube loves pulling videos I embed for some reason.) So if it doesn't play, I beg, I plead: search it out.

Dream Movies

Dreamt just as I was waking up this morning about reading a list of the most anticipated Sci-Fi movies of all time. (Yes, I was reading Entertainment Weekly in my dream. That's got to be geeky.) Number 1 was an upcoming film by James Cameron called The Cell III, which was not only in 3D, but would have live action actors in a completely CG environment. The movie was a remake of a small European thriller and was set to star Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman, and Nicole Kidman. (Why the third installment to a film series with a direct to video sequel, I'm not sure. The writeup didn't even mention the original starring Jennifer Lopez, only the European film that was its source material.) Finally, the article finished with a blurb, calling the film "a dark, psychological take on Jackass."

I want to go to this movie.

Whatever happened to Arsenio Hall?

Because I think I just fell in love with him.

The Real Housewives of St. Louis

Not Pictured: Brandon Phillips hating a team with little birds on their uniforms. Also, Johnny Cueto kicking little bitches.

 
Cincinnati Red Brandon Phillips, on his feelings towards the St. Louis Cardinals:

"I’d play against these guys with one leg. We have to beat these guys. I hate the Cardinals. All they do is bitch and moan about everything, all of them, they’re little bitches, all of ‘em.....I really hate the Cardinals. Compared to the Cardinals, I love the Chicago Cubs. Let me make this clear: I hate the Cardinals."

Amen to that, brother. I'm not sure I can exactly pinpoint the day I become a Cardinals hater, but it must have coalesced around the 2006 postseason. Man, that was one terrible team that somehow won a World Series on the back a "hitter" with a career OPS+ of 88. And Tony LaRussa? Scary. Old. Man.

Charlyne Yi - Cannot

Having not seen Paper Heart, all I know of Charlyne Yi is from her YouTube channel (and her hilarious scenes in Knocked Up). So here is one of her most recent songs, which I thought you should see. You might hate it. But hopefully you won't. Because then I would have to take you to friend divorce court. Because I want the dog and the original edition of Settlers of Catan. Pfffft.

What a tease.

Okay, now you're just showing off...

(via 2modern)

The Follow-Up: Dinosaurs Still Getting What They Want

(via the Daily What)

Jammy Jams

Just listened to this one six or seven times in a row while flipping through my g-reader. "Mahgeetah" was one of the first MMJ songs I remember hearing, and even though I'm not their biggest fan these days, I have to admit this track kicks serious a-words. As in, ass.

By the by, I didn't actually watch the video. Not once. I'm sure it's a fine live video job thingee. But come one, come all. Either crank up the amp or grab your headphones, because this one needs to be heard at an incredible volume of sound. But seriously. Skip the video.We've seen enough southern hippies playing guitars to last a lifetime.

Dinosaurs Lie To Get What They Want!

How do we get back at astronomers for taking away Pluto?

If this is true, then what else is untrue?

Morph-osaurs: How shape-shifting dinosaurs deceived us (NewScientist.com)

Dinosaurs were shape-shifters. Their skulls underwent extreme changes throughout their lives, growing larger, sprouting horns then reabsorbing them, and changing shape so radically that different stages look to us like different species.

This discovery comes from a study of the iconic dinosaur triceratops and its close relative torosaurus. Their skulls are markedly different but are actually from the very same species, argue John Scannella and Jack Horner at the Museum of the Rockies in Bozeman, Montana.

....

[Mark] Goodwin says the recent work is convincing and will mark a major shift in the field: palaeontologists must now factor in extreme changes in skull shape or risk misunderstanding evolutionary relationships and overestimating dinosaur diversity. Ignore physical development in dinosaur palaeontology "at your peril", he warns.

This is why science is so awesome, and so frustrating, all at the same time. It's also why I need a personal scientist on call 24/7 for followup questions and independent verification of purported facts.

(via SuperPunch)

Yes, please.

I would like one of these to go. Thank you.

(via 2modern)

Ellen Page is way too hot for your misguided idea of sexy

The Ellen Page Inception Look: Asexual Chic (NY Magazine)

For what it's worth, asexual or not, Ellen Page is gorgeous no matter what she's dressed in. Just because she's not outfitted like she got lost on her way to an old noir (i.e., Marion Cotillard) in Nolan's latest flick, doesn't mean she's not easy on the eyes.

Come on, shoddy online columns trying to steer eyeballs to pieces that have no journalistic/aesthetic/logical merit, get your act together. Yeah, she's not dressed like Liz Taylor circa 1955. But she's no less beautiful (or dare we say it, sexy?) because of it.

Miss Page responds to her detractors

Breaking News: Coke makes sugary drinks!!!

Vitaminwater Isn't Healthy, Rules Federal Judge

ZOMG! Vitaminwater is really just flat Coca-Cola! I guess this is news. Another "healthy" drink with too much sugary corn-syrupy content to actually be healthy. Don't get me wrong. I love Coke. But I also love water. Real water. From a tap. Occasionally via a Brita filter. But whatevs. Just drink your over-sugared lies and be done with it.



Via Super Punch

That is quite the cast...

For your consideration: The Avengers

This has disaster written all over it, as Whedon's best works are those created by Joss and Joss alone (O Dollhouse, you had your chance, you blew it), but I will be following every little scrap of info about this movie from now until whenever it should hit theatres.

Additionally, Jeremy Renner looks like he just won the lottery. Love it.

Pic courtesy of CBR and literally all the internets.

Happy Town Aerobics

One, here is a clip from the most/moster/mostest ridiculous show on television that was recently canceled making it actually not on television anymore. (Still on Hulu!) It is called Happy Town. From the creators of October Road, Fastlane and the US version of Life on Mars (all terrible in their own unique ways). The millions of dollars that were wasted getting this piece of donkey dung from concept to smallscreen were worth it, however, all because of this:



That's the sound a series makes when it know it's getting canceled awesome.

Two, if that wasn't enough, here is a clip of Peter Dale, dancing his pants off, in the 1989 National Aerobics Championship, via Best Week Ever. I solemnly swear to watch this clip every morning for the next five days immediately after waking up, then report back to you how totally awesome my week was because of it. You think I am kidding. I am not.



Also, back to Happy Town. Amy Acker ought to have been the lead -- either Sheriff Incompetent or Brian Michael Hackett -- because, let's face it, she is drop dead gorgeous and could act circles around this show. You think that's hyperbole?

BOOM goes the dynamite!

this mess

Yes, I realize this blog is a mess. The header is crap. The template hurts my eyes. The sidebar is unreadable. Blah-blah-bitty blah. I am currently working towards a MFA/PhD in Making Awesome Blogs, but until then, just subscribe via Google Reader. Here is a (rather long) video of a dancing baby to tide you over:



Better?

Just Like the Water

After literally months and months of the older kids at the club blasting Lil Wayne and Drake (or Jimmy from Degrassi), this track is one of the most beautiful and delicious things I've heard all year long. Thank you, baby Jesus, for Big Boi.

Kitchen Raps

It's like Rope, but with Brown People. Also, better.

On Flopping

From McCovey Chronicles, one of my favorite baseball blogs, and my all-time favorite San Francisco Giants webpage evah:

Also, I got a good idea while watching another sporting event today. On every inside pitch, the Giant hitters should pretend they got hit. And when the umpire tells the hitter to get up because he doesn’t believe the Giants’ hitter was really hit by the pitch, the hitter should writhe in pain even more as if he was hit by the ball from Phantasm, with spikes and auger drills jutting out of it. This should happen after every inside pitch. I think it could give the Giants two or three extra base runners each game.

Just a thought.

Take that, Europe! Schooled in the arts of honesty AND humor. America! Fuck yeah!



Did you expect something different?

Chris Brown photoshop AND sweet vid courtesy of BWE.

Panba Bears and Double Rainbows

No two ways about it, auto-tune is the best thing to happen to planet earth since baby pandas begin walking around with actual human babies inside of them. Which makes Schmoyoho's DOUBLE RAINBOW SONG!! the best thing on computer screens to be screened by computers and humans since human screenings on giant screens of Human Giant. Intense. Or as Jacob Miles would say, in-tents.

LeBron James: A Case Study in Why Salary Caps Don't Work

My new scientific findings, to be published tonight on Twitter, by every NBA fan on the planet not located in Miami.

How a freaking vampire should freaking look. Freaking!

Via Super Punch

What?

Prince, via Pitchfork, via the Daily Mirror:

"The Internet is completely over. I don't see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won't pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can't get it. The Internet's like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. They just fill your head with numbers and that can't be good for you."

To which I respond, via the cast of Lost:


And that's just the first three seasons.

On how I love things flavored like pizza

Not so much an essay as a simple statement of fact. Sometimes pizza flavor is better than actual pizza.

Your mind = blown.

Happy Father's Day

MJ with his father in 1991, after finally figuring our how to beat the Pistons, move onto the NBA Finals, and win it all.

I wanted to do a little something different for Father's Day, and step into the way-back machine for some Father's Day memories from 1996, Bulls vs. Sonics, the beginning of the second Chicago three-peat. The following vid is something special, watching Jordan in his (second) prime, along with the Kukuc, Longley, Rodman, Kerr Bulls. It's amazing in hindsight that there was never a Jordan/Pippen storyline where egos got in the way, forcing Chicago to deal one ala Kobe/Shaq. Like I said, something special.



Happy Father's Day.

David Mitchell's Soapbox

Some background. I'm not a huge grammar nerd. Example: I couldn't care less if people use a word like ain't, because in my grammar rule book, ain't has real meaning and grammatical purpose. It's a colloquialism to be sure. Think of it as the dirty version of aren't. Or turn that around: think of aren't as the euphemism for ain't. The word we use so that we don't offend those around us by our uncouthness. But ain't means something to millions of people, and that's what matters to me.

What I don't like are perfectly wonderful words and phrases that have simple meanings used incorrectly, voiding these words and phrases of all meaning whatsoever. You will find two perfect examples below, should you chose to watch the following video of a charming Brit called David Mitchell. Enjoy.

Louis CK and the Bomb of Truth

Louis C.K. is definitely not everyone's cup of tea. But he's earl grey for me (tea jokes, man are you glad you found this blog or what!), so his appearance on the Daily Show last night was amazing. Unfortunately, it was only about five minutes long. Fortunately, it's five minutes of funny. If you decide not to sit through the whole thing, I understand. It's completely NSFW and about as crude as you can get on Comedy Central. That being said, there's an off the cuff remark about the pope at about 4:26 that I've watched four or five times and is still not unfunny. And it's only that way because his elaboration on the Catholic sex scandal completely and totally true. And that's why I love Louis CK.

Again, NSFW. Seriously.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Louis C.K.
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Beck Covers Old Music

I've been away from the internet for three months. So how about some new Beck singing old songs. Also, St. Vincent.

Beck covering INXS "Kick"


Record Club: INXS "Kick" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

St. Vincent and Beck covering INXS "Never Tear Us Apart"


Record Club: INXS "Never Tear Us Apart" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

P.S.  In my brief time offline, I do believe Annie Clark has become the most beautiful woman on the planet. Sorry, People Magazine, but you es muy incorrecto.*

*Pardon my imaginary Spanish.